Introducing Breakfast Conversations: Unpacking Our Relationship with Food
My husband and I enjoy long breakfasts on Sundays, often leading to amazing and profound conversations. One particular conversation was incredibly insightful and made me think so much more deeply about why we choose to consume certain foods, why we choose to overeat certain foods, what excess weight represents for each of us, and more.
If this seems like a deviation from my normal kickass you-can-do-it conversation, hang tight! I feel like this is a topic that needs to be brought to light, so today’s thoughts are relevant to a conversation surrounding creating a healthy body – and mind.
The Medication of Food: A Modern Dilemma
Have you ever wondered how we reached a point where food feels almost like a medication in the way that brings relief from tension, stress, and anxiety? How did we get to a place where we’re perpetually dissatisfied with the amount of food we consume, the frequency of our meals, and the food choices we make daily? The coping mechanisms embraced by our modern lifestyle have twisted our relationship with food, transforming it from a source of nourishment to a complex emotional crutch. We find ourselves endlessly snacking, craving comfort foods, and battling the health consequences of these choices. This dissatisfaction isn’t just about overeating or unhealthy options; it’s a reflection of deeper emotional and psychological needs that we attempt to soothe with food as we desperately search for relief.
Let’s delve into the reasons behind this shift and explore how our emotional state influences our eating habits in ways we might not even realize and how to recognize when it’s happening.
Snapshot: The Responsive Brain and How It Learns
We know that food elicits a lot of different responses from the brain. Some foods elicit stronger responses than others. There are a number of physiological responses that occur in the brain, which are responding to food cues, automated responses (habits), and daily thoughts in our minds, not to mention stimulating hormonal releases of dopamine and serotonin. Complicated, right?! Ay, ay, ay!!
We certainly develop habits of eating and foodways that become difficult to change after long periods of time. What compounds the complexity of our habits is deciding to choose certain foods when we want to feel a certain way, such as when we want to feel better. If the onset of being overweight or obese began in the teenage years, and we found ourselves on a diet through most of our adult years, we could probably trace it back to some event or various events of perceived trauma. At the very least, eating (a particular food) helped to soothe the feelings that we had regarding that particular event, and eventually the entire scenario linked up in our brains, meaning that food made me feel better! (Remember Pavlov’s experiment?!)
The Pursuit of Feeling Good
It doesn’t have to be something as deep as trauma in order to link food to an event or unwanted situation. It can be food as a soothing concoction that satisfies the brain because, in all of the moments, the only thing that we’re trying to do is to feel good. In any moment of time, we’re always trying to feel better about something, and recover the control that we feel that we lost, if for no other reason than to feel the self-control and the control of the unwanted feelings that we have.
Food as Refuge
If you ever had past relationships that were toxic or simply weren’t satisfying, perhaps food became this refuge of sorts, allowing the peace and sorting out of thoughts and feelings that were at hand. My husband made the statement that most times when people are consuming food, they’re not arguing or fighting, such as during Thanksgiving, the holidays, or a birthday party. I’m not saying that food brings people together and they manage to avoid arguments and disgruntled discussions. What I am saying is when people place their full attention on their food, they generally aren’t arguing with someone else. This makes sense because it’s difficult to have a full-fledged argument and eat at the same time!
Creating Emotional Connections with Food
At the same time, it’s easy to understand how the brain can link up those feel-good feelings to beautiful, satisfying memories. My mom, my sister, and I bonded so much more over the baking and creation of recipes for brownies or chocolate chip cookies than at any other time. Those were the times when we felt the closest! Often, our brain tries to recreate those moments with the food to get back to that place of feeling that beautiful connection, which was something our brain linked up, even if we don’t identify it as such.
Any time in the present moment when we’re trying to feel connected, we might literally find ourselves consuming that same food. Even today, I will choose a chocolate chip cookie over other types of cookies because that’s what my brain linked up to those good feelings. Here’s the kicker – the cookies don’t have to be homemade! If I were to choose something like an Atkins or a Quest cookie, it’s still always a chocolate chip cookie that I will choose.
Have you ever thought about what your go-to foods are? Are they associated with beautiful memories? Or are they associated with a different type of memory?
The other piece to this puzzle seems to be this: once we have found the food that seemingly brings peace from a moment of turmoil, it only takes two or three times of repeating that behavior for the brain to get the idea that this feels good. This gets easily stored as something that we should keep doing. Remember, the food you chose probably DOES feel good given the hormonal responses in the brain, so that gets recorded, too!
Today, when perceived challenges arise, or the tension or anxiety is increased, the brain serves up what it knows, and if you’ve linked up your favorite eating cheesecake to alleviate tension with a situation, this is often what comes up. Remember, the brain’s primary goal is survival, so it’s not on a conscious level that this occurs, but rather on a subconscious level where the brain recalls previous solutions and says, “Well, here’s something that feels better!” And then the habit begins to be cemented. That said, once it’s a habit, it can become a part of our identity which we eventually accept as our norm. It’s just “what we do”.
Seeking Peace Through Food
My husband was right about one thing: when we are eating and are finding relief from a situation in a food, or refuge from a situation in a meal, at that particular moment, what we feel is peace. What we feel is the tranquility of it all. We feel the depth of the silence from all of the turmoil. And then it’s not that we necessarily find a cool friend, but in a way, food does become our friend, or at least, that’s how we define it subconsciously.
Changing Our Relationship with Food
After years of cultivating these habits with food and integrating them deeply into our identity, it’s seemingly difficult to change this relationship with our food habits when we want to lose the extra weight. Essentially we’ve created a “debt by consolation” that we want to reconcile by bringing the body into energy balance. By now, we’ve likely realized it takes longer than we thought given we spent years consoling our feelings with food. When we were searching for consolation, we found it in a place that was readily available without contemplating there were other tools available to create the peace we were searching for. Had we known, we might have chosen a meditation, or a walk with the cheerful dog who’s always ready to play, lifting light weights, or taking a long walk on nature trails. All of these can bring about a state of tranquility.
Finding Different Mechanisms of Peace
Each of us is vastly different, and it’s interesting that we all have found different mechanisms where we find refuge. For some people, they found solace in food; for others, they found it in the gym; and yet others found tranquility during a walk. Perhaps some people found peace and stillness in a drug, while for other folks it was cherished in connection with others. We’ve all found peace and stillness in completely different ways. It would also behoove us to avoid judging the choices people make when all anyone has wanted at that moment was to feel better than they did.
Redefining Our Relationship with Food
As we try to redefine what that relationship with food should be now, we may want to consider our views of food, how the relationship came to be, and how we can go about redefining it. Indeed it’s a defining moment when we arrive at the understanding that food is just food. It’s not a human; it’s not a refuge; it’s not something that will save us from ourselves; and it shouldn’t serve as consolation from anything. Food is nutrition, support, and energy for our bodies to perform the activities to live a vibrant, joyful life. It helps the body do what it’s meant to do.
Seeking Refuge Within
The refuge that we actually seek, that we are looking for, is within us – it’s not external in something like a chocolate brownie. Or a being buried in a bottomless bag of fries. Or in an entire tub of ice cream covered in chocolate candies. There are other options to consider, such as taking a long, meandering walk in nature or loving all over your dog! (Cats? Maybe not so much!)
We can tap into those external options, those delightful activities and connections, to facilitate a feeling of peace. But the true magic lies in understanding that what we seek most is alignment with our Inner Being, with who we truly are. The essence of our journey is to feel better, to reclaim our power over those unwanted, uncomfortable feelings that arise. How we go about doing that could determine the present moment – and every present moment that follows.
When we align with our true selves, we step into a place of immense power and clarity. It’s not just about finding temporary relief; it’s about embracing a state of continuous well-being. Imagine the profound shift that occurs when you choose to focus on how you want to feel at this very moment. This focus determines the vibration you emit, which in turn attracts experiences that match this vibration.
Every choice you make from this place of alignment radiates out into the Universe, shaping not just the present moment but every moment that follows. When you decide to seek joy, to find that feeling of inner peace and satisfaction, you begin to create a life that is vibrant and fulfilling. You become a magnet for positive experiences, drawing in more of what makes your heart sing.
Conclusion: Finding True Alignment Within
As we navigate through life and our relationship with food, it’s crucial to remember that the true source of peace and satisfaction lies within us. It’s about finding alignment with ourselves and understanding that while food can be a comfort, it should not be our refuge. By exploring other avenues of peace and tranquility, we empower ourselves to create a healthier, more vibrant relationship with food and with our own emotions.
Remember, the power to transform your life lies within you. It’s about tapping into that inner wellspring of joy and allowing it to guide your actions and choices. As you practice this alignment, you’ll find that the need to soothe discomfort with external means diminishes. You’ll feel a growing sense of empowerment and a deeper connection to your true self.
So, next time you find yourself reaching for that cookie, ask yourself: “What am I truly seeking in this moment?” The answer might just lead you to a deeper connection with yourself and a more fulfilling path to peace.